DaftCoolio

Sitting in bed. See large terrifying spider on other side of bed. Have the dramatic eye contact moment where you both look at each other and go "oh fuck". Spider boosts towards me. I panic and throw laptop across room while jumping out of bed far enough to win the olympic gold medal. Cant see spider get even more terrified. Take of clothes throw them on the floor just in case it on me. Give bedroom a cavity search still no spider. I'm all worked up so I have a shower. Go back to room and tidying up after ww3. Accept fate that spider will kill me in the night and go back to chilling on bed. Hours later it gets late and Coolio is tired. Goes to turn off light. Looks up at light and the cheeky mf is right there. Round 2 Fight. Roof too high for me to get a clean kill. Girlishly hit it with shoe. Its not very effective spider falls off roof and lands on hand. Life flashes before my eyes. Thinks about going 127 hours and cutting off my hand. Taylor Swift prevails and i just shake it off. It on floor out in the open I have the upper hand. I reach for shoe. Spider has 99 pace and heads toward closet. Bam. Hits spider super effective. Proceed to hit it 7283 more times just to be sure. ggwp