CaptainSpectacular Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 THE OCEAN The world is not a place For one to break a mould It is a place to accept the cold It is a place where no matter what you think If it is different, you will sink Unless of course, you can prove That it is they who must change, and move If you can convince the world that you are right The things you can do are as vast as the night But the world, it does not work this way It is a place where if you pray If you believe what is your own If you can see beyond the black canvas society has sewn, You will still lose, because this is how the world works You will fall beneath the sway Of the ocean waves, the world has become A school of fish where you must accept, else you turn to gum On the bottom of everyone's shoes This is what it means to lose. ThinkNice, Misfire33, AzizFTW and 2 others 5 Link to comment
Goldeneyes Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 This is nice. Munya and CaptainSpectacular 2 Link to comment
CaptainSpectacular Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 :D really?? Link to comment
Munya Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 what the fuck goldeneyes get out i was thinking the same CaptainSpectacular 1 Link to comment
CaptainSpectacular Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 what the fuck goldeneyes get out i was thinking the sameGirls, girls, you're both beautiful KingofChess and Misfire33 2 Link to comment
Mystic Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Gotta say, I actually like this a lot CaptainSpectacular 1 Link to comment
Goldeneyes Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Girls, girls, you're both beautiful Why thank you! CaptainSpectacular and Munya 2 Link to comment
CaptainSpectacular Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 Gotta say, I actually like this a lotThank you! I wrote this after one hell of a rant Link to comment
DaftCoolio Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Thank you! I wrote this after one hell of a rant u can kinda tell Link to comment
CaptainSpectacular Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 u can kinda tellyeah its a bit looooong Link to comment
DaftCoolio Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Na just its a little depressing, sounds like u were unhappy bout something Link to comment
CaptainSpectacular Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 Its the world maaaaaan, you gotta fight the power maaaan AzizFTW 1 Link to comment
Gilan Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 just wanna say that the "mold" you mean is spelled mould. otherwise you mean the organism that grows in damp places and on rotten food. Anyways, this is a nice poem. The best poems are almost always written when the author is depressed. I especially like the "w" and "b" alliteration. Gives the feeling of weeping/whining and the "b-b-but" sensation, which in my opinion really fits with the ambiance of the poem as a whole. You will still lose, because this is how the world works You will fall beneath the sway Of the ocean waves this, in particular, is my most favorite line of the entire poem. CaptainSpectacular 1 Link to comment
doggydom Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Nice poem....the world is definitely harsh lol Link to comment
Mike Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 This is a very nice poem, nicely done! Link to comment
CaptainSpectacular Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 just wanna say that the "mold" you mean is spelled mould. otherwise you mean the organism that grows in damp places and on rotten food. fixed, now that I saw that, the whole poem changed xD AzizFTW and Gilan 2 Link to comment
Misfire33 Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 This poem is so optimistic. :| :| :| :| :| In all seriousness, though, this is pretty darn good. Avoids that "WHAAAH MY MUMMY SED BLOOD ON THE DANCEFLUR WUZ BAD" attitude that emotional poetry can easily fall into. Plus, it flows nicely. Well, the line "the things you can do are as vast as the night" seems a little tortured, but everything else is good. Muchos bien, comrade. [spoiler]Way more than I expected from a Pokemon forum.[/spoiler] Link to comment
CaptainSpectacular Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 Well, the line "the things you can do are as vast as the night" seems a little tortured, but everything else is good Meh, I needed a rhyme... I agree in that its my least favourite line, it over shot what I was going for and sounds soooooo generic. Link to comment
Grampaaa Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 Those GoldenEyes do more than look cool, honestly I love this poem. Only problem is that it doesn't rhyme as much as I thought it would. Link to comment
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