IGN - Batmexican
The Fresh Prince of Kanto and The Greatest Pokémon of All
(Intro Theme Song)
Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a region called Kanto
In the West side of Pallet Town born and raised
In the short grass was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out, maxin', relaxin', all cool
And all playin' some Nintendo inside of my room
When my rival named Blue who was up to no good
Started making trouble in my neighbourhood
We got in one little fight and Oak was thrilled
He said, "You're leavin' to catch pokémon all over Kanto"
We begged and pleaded with him day after day
But he gave us each a pokédex and sent us on our way
He gave us three options and then we picked our starters
I got a map from Blue's sis and said, "I might as well kick it"
Route 1, yo this is bad
Fainting Pidgeys and Rattatas
Is this what the people of Kanto living like?
Hmm, this might be alright
But wait, I hear they're pushy, insistent, on battling
Is this the type of place that they just send this cool cat?
I don't think so
I'll see when I get far
I hope they're prepared for the prince of Kanto
Well, I got to Viridian and when I tried to leave
There was an old man who wanted to teach me a trick
I ain't trying to cause the glitch yet, I just got here
I sprang with the quickness like lightning, disappeared
I went through the forest and reached a new place
The sign said, "Pewter City" and it had a gym leader to face
If anything I could say that this should be tough
But I thought "this was easy, when's the Elite Four?"
I had to fight gym leaders - about seven or eight
And I yelled, "finally, time for Indigo Plateau!"
I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the prince of Kanto
Although I started with a Charmander, and it evolved into Charmeleon, then Charizard - who was my favourite for so long - I eventually found a Poké Ball in Celadon Mansion with an Eevee inside. Now as an adult I feel sort of guilty for taking it without permission, but I definitely do not regret it. This was such a rare Pokémon - the only one I could find in the region at the time. It wasn't evolving with level ups, so I tried using a Thunder Stone on it, and the result was magnificent. The evolution Eevee evolved into was Jolteon. Ha! I bet you can't say that sentence ten times fast! Anyway, I digress. Jolteon - it had the beauty and elegance of royalty, but also the coolness and toughness of a rock star. I had completely forgotten about Charizard for a moment. This was it - my true favourite Pokémon. I knew no new discoveries would ever compare, and I still loved Charizard, but just not as much.
As I continued to use Jolteon more and more, it grew faster than every other Pokémon I caught. In fact, it was as fast as MewTwo! Yes, that's right, my Jolteon was as fast as a legendary Pokémon! It made me feel like my beloved Jolteon was legendary itself! I even trained Jolteon's speed more than MewTwo to make sure it held the title of fastest on my team. But I didn't even know about MewTwo until after I became the Fresh Prince of Kanto, so that's a story for another time. I was also once told that Electrode was the fastest Pokémon in Kanto, but I didn't want to train what to me was an upsidedown, Poké Ball with a face. And come on, it learns self-destruct and explosion? I refuse to take part in traumatizing a Pokémon - I love them. Once again, I digress. Jolteon - it was not only beautiful and cool, but now it was fast and strong too. It was the complete package - as if someone fused Angelina Jolie and Bruce Lee and then turned it into a Pokémon. And my confidence grew along with it - I now had a "no items during battle" policy for myself and still kept winning. Along with Charizard, Arcanine, Sandslash, Haunter, and Articuno, I had Electric, Bug, Poison, Fire, Dragon, Ground, Normal, Rock, Fighting, Ghost, Psychic, Ice, and Flying type moves through leveling up and Technical Machines (TMs). My team of favourites was now ready to face anyone, so I made my way to the Elite Four.
First was Lorelei - young, smart, and beautiful. She was the first woman I ever had a crush on, but that didn't distract me. I came here to win. I always started with Jolteon due to our strong bond, and it swept right through Lorelei's whole team with Thunderbolt and Thunder. I wanted to stay with her a little longer, but I knew I had to move onto the next challenge.
Next was Bruno, another young adult - strong and kind. He was shirtless for some reason, so I was confused, but again, that didn't distract me. I started with Jolteon, but his Onyx was immune to Electric type moves. I thought about using Toxic first, but I didn't want to risk a Ground type move doing heavy damage on Jolteon. I wanted to change to Articuno, but I was worried about Rock type moves. So I changed to Sandslash and beat it with Earthquake. Next was Hitmonchan. I figured Earthquake was good enough to sweep his team, but it had Ice Punch which knocked out my Sandslash. It was finally time for Articuno. It used Fly and knocked out Hitmonchan. Revenge for my poor Sandslash. Bruno chose Hitmonlee, but it immediately suffered the same fate as Hitmonchan. Now a second Onyx. Bruno clearly didn't have as much variety as Lorelei; I don't understand how she was ranked lower with her Water and Ice types, but anyway... It was a contest of speed - his Rock Throw or my Ice Beam? I won. I didn't neglect the others when training Jolteon's speed. In fact, I trained them the exact same way - build up Attack, Speed, and Special stats, and give them all two to three move types. With Jolteon, it was obvious my team had to be all-out attack. Well, Bruno saved his best Pokémon for last - Machamp - but it was weak to Fly just like its two Fighting type predecessors. I was now half way to being the Fresh Prince of Kanto (or so I thought.)
Agatha was the third trainer, and she was nothing like the other two - old, rude, and aggressive. Being a kid at the time, I didn't understand the level of dedication and determination she had to have to be ranked second in the Elite Four. All I saw was a crazy old lady. I had used a Max Revive on Jolteon and Sandslash immediately after beating Bruno, so I started with Jolteon as usual. It seemed like it was going to be as easy as Lorelei, but her Gengar put Jolteon to sleep with Hypnosis and knocked it out while healing itself with Dream Eater. I was enraged. Nobody messes with my beloved Jolteon. I chose Sandslash so it could redeem itself in this battle. After all, Pokémon have feelings too. In it came and out went her Gengar with an Earthquake. Next was Golbat and Sandslash was prepared. Golbat was faster despite our speed training, but it used Toxic which wasn't very effective against Sandslash. Sandslash missed Rock Slide - it still lacked confidence. Golbat used Confuse Ray next and confused Sandslash. It lacked confidence and was also confused now - anyone would have switched it out, but I believed in it. Sandslash pulled off a Rock Slide and knocked it out. Its confidence was back. All of her Pokémon were weak to Earthquake except Golbat, so it could have been an easy sweep for Sandslash, but I broke the item rule and used a Max Revive on Jolteon then switched it in. Sandslash was so happy I believed in it, and that it did so well, but Jolteon was even happier that I broke the rule for it to redeem itself too. Our bond grew stronger. One more to go.
The final battle. The Pokémon League champion. The master of dragons. Lance. As I progressed through my Pokémon journey, I learned more and more about Lance and began to idolize him. He was the ultimate trainer with the ultimate Pokémon. I was so excited that I didn't properly greet him. After a few words from him, we started the battle. Jolteon versus Gyarados. An easy win for Jolteon as Gyarados was Water/Flying - both types weak to Electric. Next was Dragonair. My first time seeing one. It was such a sight to behold. An incredibly majestic Pokémon in every sense of the word. It immediately became another favourite, but again, nothing compared to Jolteon. I knew I had to ask Lance if and where it was possible to catch one for myself after the battle, but right now I had to defeat it. Jolteon struggled; Dragon types resist Electric moves and Pin Missile was just backup for Psychic types. On top of that, it used Slam and paralyzed Jolteon. I didn't want to let Jolteon faint again so I swapped in Charizard. Flamethrower did about as well as Thunderbolt; Dragon types resist Fire too... I now understood the might of a Dragon type, and how annoying they can be to battle. However, Charizard also had Dragon Rage, and I discovered that Dragon type moves were super effective against Dragon type Pokémon. Takes one to beat one, I guess. The only, slight problem was that Dragon Rage always did forty hit points (40 HP) worth of damage, so being super effective didn't change anything. What's the point of that?! Anyway, Charizard won and out came another Dragonair. I figured Slash might do some good damage, and it did, but Charizard was about to faint so I changed to Haunter. Even though it was a Ghost type, I was able to teach it the strongest Psychic type move - Psychic. And in this region, Psychic and Dragon types reigned supreme. It took one Psychic thanks to Charizard's Slash, and this second Dragonair was down. I figured maybe the rest of his team were more Dragonairs since I didn't know of any other dragons, but he surprised me with an Aerodactyl. I guess Gyarados wasn't a Dragon either, and the rest of the Elite Four didn't have mono-types like they claimed to have either. Must have been due to a lack of options in our generation... Anyway, I wasn't surprised because it wasn't a Dragon type; I was surprised because I thought I revived the only Old Amber in existence. Speaking of that, I never went back to the Pewter Museum of Science to show my Aerodactyl to the scientist so he can prove to his colleagues that he was right... Well, back to my story. It was now Haunter versus Aerodactyl. Neither had super effective attacks, but Haunter had Psychic, Hypnosis, and Dream Eater. It did good damage with Psychic, but I wanted to use Jolteon as much as possible, so I used Hypnosis to put the enemy to sleep. I used a Full Restore on Jolteon then swapped it back in. I broke the rule again, but it didn't matter anymore. I wasn't sure if Aerodactyl being half Rock would make Thunderbolt useless, so Jolteon used Thunder and took it out. Down to Lance's final Pokémon - Dragonite. The greatest Dragon of all, considering that there were only three and they were in the same evolution line. Good thing other regions were discovered with more Pokémon! I much preferred the majesty of Dragonair, because Dragonite looked a little dopey, but that doesn't mean I took it lightly. I poisoned it with Toxic, and it only had Normal type offensive moves, so Jolteon was able to finish it off alone. Thankfully, Slam didn't paralyze Jolteon again. Becoming the Fresh Prince of Kanto was not luck; it was the result of hard work, preparation, and stealing an Eevee that turned into a Jolteon. As Lance was congratulating me, I couldn't stop thinking of Blue and how excited I was to battle him as the champion, or self-proclaimed Fresh Prince of Kanto. Then Lance dropped the bomb on me - Blue had just become champion right before me. If I wanted the title, I would have to take it from him. I healed my Pokémon with Hyper Potions, then I went in to the next room to battle Blue. He was so smug about being champion. This wasn't how I would have greeted him at all. Such an annoying guy... The real final battle began.
Blue did have a reason to be confident. His team was pretty diverse like mine, and I understood how he was able to beat the Elite Four. However, he started with a Pidgeot - bad choice. My Jolteon gave it a one-hit knock out (OHKO) with Thunderbolt, not even Thunder. Next was Alakazam. Another seemingly bad choice. Jolteon used Pin Missile, but it didn't do as much as I would have expected from a super effective move. I tried Thunderbolt and that worked way better. Two out of six down. Was I about to sweep Blue? I wasn't actually surprised. Jolteon was the greatest Pokémon in Kanto and it was the reason I got so far, so fast. Out came Rhydon - immune to Electric moves. And with Pin Missile not being super effective, I was forced to switch to Articuno. It was an easy win with Ice Beam. And it could have been an easy win against his Exeggutor too, but I wanted to really show him the greatness of Jolteon, so I changed back to it. Exeggutor was Grass/Psychic. Another Pokémon with dual weakness to one of Jolteon's moves - this time it was that horrible Pin Missile. But unlike Alakazam, Exeggutor was resistant to Electric. Should I go with not very effective Thunderbolts, or should I try super effective Pin Missiles? I believed in Jolteon more than any other person or Pokémon, so I went for Pin Missile. It was a success! Jolteon hit four times and it hit hard. It missed the second turn, but on the third turn, Pin Missile took it out. His second last Pokémon was Arcanine. That reminded me that I hadn't used mine in any of the Elite Four battles. Oh well, there was no way I was going to switch out Jolteon now. Jolteon used Thunder to try and end things quick. We wanted to avoid getting burned and finish the battle strong, but we missed. Luckily, Blue didn't teach his Arcanine any strong Fire type moves so it used Take Down and even damaged itself. I started to think maybe I was wrong in praising his ability to become champion... well, Jolteon tried again - here it comes...THUNDER! A critical hit! Arcanine was down and out. Another OHKO by Jolteon. There was a difference in the number of reserve Pokémon, but the intense battle continued. Blue sent out Blastoise - the Pokémon he claimed to be his favourite back when I thought Charizard was my favourite, but he really only chose Squirtle at the start of our journeys because of the type advantage. Well, that sure backfired since he didn't realize I had been using Jolteon more and more during our previous encounters along the way to the Elite Four. I could see in his face that there was no hope. All that was left was for Jolteon to take out Blastoise and I would be champion. I wasn't worried about Jolteon losing, so we went with Thunder instead of Thunderbolt to really demonstrate our power. The first one hit, and there goes the battle! I was now at the top of the region; the figurative throne of the Pokémon League was mine to claim as the Fresh Prince of Kanto!
Sure I had help from other Pokémon along the way, but it's clear that Jolteon was capable of winning every battle alone. And if I didn't develop a no items policy during battle, then Jolteon never would have needed to be switched. But remember, I developed that policy because of Jolteon's greatness. Jolteon - truly the greatest Pokémon.